Browse Professor Quotes

You can't just yank off testicles, and let it be!
—Cameron Afzal, The Hebrew Bible, First Semster
I mean who would really miss the French? After all, what did they ever give us besides cigarettes and oral sex? Not that I'm complaining about either.
—Professor Fred Smoler, Literature and Epic Social Theory.
I could teach a four year course on the gullibility of intellectuals!
—Jeff Adams, France and Germany in the 20th century
Oh the Tories just absolutely wanted to lock Churchill in a closet.
—Hist. Prof. Persis charles, Victorian Britain (first semester)
If the Germans had been beaten by the Romans then they would be a lot more like the French. Infinitely more annoying but not going to kill everyone in the world.
—Fred Smoller The History of WWI and WWII
Funny how no one can tell if women are ovulating. I could be ovulating right now.
—Janal Tortorice, Biological Anthropology
NO one should be shoved around by the French- not even a dog!!
—Fred Smoller The History of WWI and WWII
Ooooh! Let's do the kitchen in avacado and Greek!
—Ann Lauinger, Allegories of Love
WAR WAR WAR!!!!!! What are you a FAG?!?!?!?!
—Fred Smoller, The History of WWI and WWII
I call it fuzzy logic--it's like fuzzy slippers, only in your head.
—Joe Forte, Art and Architecture in the Italian Renaissance
Looks like sperm. I didn't mean that. It's meant to be an olive tree.
—Joe Lauinger. Ancient Greek Theatre: Rituals to Revisions
I will get into sexual positions later on in the semester
—Joe Lauinger. Ancient Greek Theatre: Rituals to Revisions
If you want to be huffing solvents, you do that on your own time.
—Tony, the lab nazi, General Chemistry
The point is that he's not just an idiot--he's evil.
—Persis Charles, on George W. Bush, Intro to Women's History, 2000
you look so vacant
—daniel kaiser, introduction to shakespeare, 1999
I'm extremely susceptible to uhhhh.....crap
—Daniel Kaiser, First year studies in literature
If I was the Virgin Mary, I certainly would not show up in Northern New Jersey
—Dan Kaiser, Literature. Literature and Society: Romantics through Moderns
I'm Charles Baudelaire...don't fuck with me.
—Persis Charles, "Intro to Women's History"
I like my homos a little less pomo.
—Julie Abraham, "Goodbye to Berlin?"
Chorus Singing, et amplius non e... FORTE DAMNIT!!! ...RO!
—Choral Director Patrick Romano
OK, who actually did the reading?
All five students raise their hands.
Woo-hoo! Yes! Damn! while jumping, pumping his fists in the air.
—Michael Siff, Computer Architecture: The Hardware/Software Interface
Al Gore looks like a giant yellow condom stuffed with walnuts
—Dan Kaiser, Literature. Literature and Society: Romantics through Moderns
I'm on the wrong side of the law.
—Marie Howe - Poetry
Trust yourself... Get to the fuckin' shit!........I'm so psychotic today...
—Doug MacHugh - Film Acting
i love my madness!
—rosette lamont, theater history
I would venture to guess most of you are irreplacable.
—Greg MacPherson, Lighting Design 1, on the importance of grounding.
Well manufacturing isn't as sexy as the high-tech industry...
—Scott Martin; Globalization, State, and Society
You saucy wench.
—Stuart Spencer to Jessica Stickler in Playwrighting Lab
Al Gore looks like a yellow condom stuffed with walnuts.
—Danny Kaiser, Lit. and Society from the Romantic Period to the Present
Its oneness is integral to its thingness
—Griff Foulk, professor of religion
Shoot them! Shoot the capitalists!!
—Persis Charles, Women's History
I love long paranthetical introductions. You know like It was the best of times. Blah Blah Blah
—Myra Goldberg, Fiction Writing
You know, some people need a lot of foreplay to get going, and others can get right down to business.
—on sex and paper lengths, Robert Zimmerman, Philosophy and Art
Sex is free, Razors cost money.
—Greg Macpherson, Lighting Design, Light source exercise.
Don't you think she would have heard moaning in the movie theater? I know that when I was necking and petting in movie theaters people could hear me.
—Carolyn Ferrell, Fiction Writing, discussing a student's story.
If someone gets stabbed fast in a story, THAT'S funny!
—Myra Goldberg, Fiction Workshop
After reading lesbian classic, The Well of Loneliness:

Student: I kept hoping Martin would, you know, de-tomboy her...
Jules: Whose side are you on?!
—Julie Abraham, "Goodbye To Berlin? Lesbian/Gay/Queer History, Culture and Analysis"
Lord Byron.. he was a HOTTIE! But moving on, this was more than a dominatrix/master-slave semi-pornographic novel.
—Persis Charles, Women's History
Political consultants aren't ALL evil. I was a political consultant myself once. Of course, I might be evil.
—Ray Seidelman, on Good vs. Evil
This one just takes the biscuit.
—Doctor Malcom Turvey- Professor of The Horror Film.
I don't like children in bathing suits. It's against my religion.
—Carolyn Ferrell, Fiction Writing
If you ask me to buy you cocaine, I'll say no.
—Marvin Frankel: FYS Social Psychology
To seriously read the New York Times and masturbate is impossible
—Marvin Frankel, Prof of psychology, on the nature of sexual determinism.
Be careful with me because I often say the opposite of what I mean...
—Professor Eduardo Lago, Latinos and Latin Americans Literature Class
Happy penis songs
—Joe Lauinger in his lit. lecture
Dicken's avoidance of sex makes you sort of look for it in odd places ... wherever it pops up ... so to speak
—danny kaiser, in his lit lecture
i too wanted to be corrupted by twisted sister.
—danny kaiser, in his lit lecture.
I think it reflects a high number of dumb people.
—Professor Seidelman, on why 11% of self-proclaimed Religious Right members voted for Gore (according to exit polls.)
Let's (turn away from the topic of the election) and go back to happier times...
World War II.
—Persis Charles, Ends Of Empire
lies are fun...the way drugs are fun.
—suzanne gardinier
There is a certain stupidity in this institution.
—Marvin Frankel, First Year Studies: Social Psychology
Private school's are prositutes
—Professor Charles, Ends of Empire.
It's one thing about insurance,
that's a Washington term.
—George W. Bush (I know, he's not a professor here thank god. but he's so funny, and im just kickin it off. send me prof. quotes!)-g